Run Away With My Heart
by littlej23
Summary: Zosia and Ollie have a long overdue conversation about Penny.


**A/N: I'm back again! I don't know what this is really other than I just can't stop writing these two, especially with babies, and PENNY DESERVED TO LIVE! Please read and review, hope you enjoy! :)**

Talking about his past and dealing with the painful memories it brought had never been one of Oliver Valentine's strong suits. He'd experienced more trauma in a few short years than most would have to deal with in a lifetime.

Losing Penny was painful. Heart wrenching. Earth shattering.

His twin sister had always been the other half of him, and even when they fought, he knew he couldn't get by without her. He'd always admired Penny, idolised her almost. She may only have been a few minutes older but most of the time it felt like years. She was wise beyond her years and certainly way more mature than he was. He messed up a lot, Penny never did. She always called him 'golden boy', but Ollie thought the opposite to be true. She was the golden one, even if their parents couldn't see it.

Having someone by your side your whole life and suddenly having that one constant snatched away was truly awful. He didn't know what to do. He screwed around with Lucy for a while but it didn't make it any easier. Nothing did.

In time, he picked himself up and moved on, he stayed at Holby and decided he owed it to her to honour her legacy by becoming a real doctor. So that's what he did. He worked and worked and became a real adult, he paid his own rent, he did his own washing and he lived his life the way Penny would have wanted him to. Holby would always remember the Valentine Twins if it killed him.

And then there was Tara. Sweet, innocent but incredibly gifted Tara. The real love of his life. He loved her from the moment he met her, and it wasn't always easy going, no relationship ever is, but they worked for it and they were happy. He thought about the white picket fence and the dog and the 2.5 children life he'd always wanted, and he believed, really truly believed that he would have that with Tara.

Finding out the truth about her tumour broke his heart. He felt as though the carpet had been yanked out from underneath him. It wasn't fair. They were going to be happy, together. He married her because he loved her, tumour be damned. He really, really loved her. Tara was brilliant. Tara was a star. Tara had so much potential, but the universe cruelly took it all away and put out a real bright light.

This time, grief won. He ran off to Mexico for two years to get as far away from the memories of his past as possible. Only when his heart began to fail did he consider coming back; he needed the best, and Elliot was the best. He hit a low point in his life selling his wedding ring, the last shred of a reminder of Tara, but he had to. For a moment, a brief moment, he considered just letting his heart give out and ending it all. But no, he had to be strong. He had to be strong for the strong women who influenced his life.

Zosia March was one he didn't see coming.

She infuriated him from the moment they met, but there was something about her. He felt guilty for feeling anything for her, and he pushed her away a lot. But she wouldn't give up. Their relationship was completely different to his and Tara's, and he had to accept that and move on. Tara would always be a part of his past life, but Zosia was his present, and was going to be his future.

That's why he proposed. It was spur of the moment and completely different to proposing to Tara (or her proposing to him), but it felt right. He loved her, adored her, cherished her. She was the first thing he thought about in the morning and the last thing he thought about as he fell asleep next to her every night, their hands entwined and her head on his chest. They were going to build a future together, and that all started in a few months (about 3 to be exact), when their happy accident made their appearance in the world.

They were both terrified upon discovering Zosia was pregnant, it evidently wasn't planned and realistically they hadn't been back together all that long. But this was the life they wanted, so why not start when given the opportunity? The pregnancy only served to push Ollie into proposing sooner, as he realised this, this girl, this baby, this life, was the life he wanted.

Of course he still thought about Tara, and he thought about Penny almost every day, they had both changed his life in some way or another. But that didn't make them any easier to talk about. Especially Penny. There was always a different sense of grief for his sister, a lot of things were left unsaid and unresolved and the whole 'she died hating me' situation obviously didn't help with the closure process. So when Zosia brought her up in conversation, late at night, cuddled up in bed and having a quiet moment, he didn't exactly deal with it well.

"What was Penny like? Your sister, I mean." She enquired, as Ollie's hands come to an abrupt stop on their place rubbing her back. "Sorry, you don't have to answer. It's just you don't talk about her a lot, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Our baby had an aunt and he or she should know who she was. I don't want them to forget mama, and I thought maybe you'd feel the same about your sister."

"No, it's okay, you're right. We should talk about her. Um, she was incredibly smart. Smarter than me. I was always better at the practical stuff, medicine wise, but she was very textbook smart. She knew everything." He smiled sadly at the memory of her. "I don't think I ever told you this but, uh…"

"What?" Zosia sat up, concerned at the hesitation and tone of voice Ollie was using.

"I failed my final exam, in med school. Penny passed, with flying colours of course, but I failed. So I swapped our papers." He gulped and hesitated while he debated how to continue.

"You what!? Oliver!" Zosia scorned him, whacking him on the arm. "You have to tell somebody! Hanssen! Oh god, what are we going to do?"

"Zosh, calm down. Please don't panic, you know it's not good for the baby." He pulled her back to lie down, and stroked her arm to relax her.

"Don't panic!? Oliver Valentine I swear –"

"Zosia. Hanssen knows, has done for years. Malick too." He confessed. "They let me continue. I'm properly trained now, obviously. But I was a naïve F2 who was wracked with guilt over his sisters death. I had to tell somebody."

"Did she know? Penny?"

"Yes. She found out a few weeks before she died. She told me to confess or she would go to Hanssen. She took some leave and when she came back, she took a call out to a derailed train. She hated me, so much. She couldn't stand being near me at that point. She took the call and went in to try to help a patient. The train…it um….collapsed. She died, instantly." Ollie explained tearily.

"Oh, Ollie. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked." Zosia wiped a tear listening to her fiancé explain the traumatic experience.

"She hated me. I don't blame her, either. I was a terrible person. My dad paid my rent for me, gave me money all the time. I wasn't a real adult. I couldn't deal with her dying for months. I screwed around with her housemate –"

"I didn't need to know that, but continue." She rolled her eyes at that part.

"Sorry. You were probably still in med school." He smiled. "I was a mess. Anyway, I left Lucy, Penny's housemate, money every month for her half of the rent so I could keep her room the way it was. I tried to sort it, but I just couldn't. Eventually I did, I cleared it all and moved in there myself. Hanssen had given me a second chance, so I decided to use it wisely and sort myself out. I lived there a few years before I got my own flat."

"I wish I'd met her." She mused sadly, looking down and entwining their fingers as a distraction.

"Yeah, me too. She'd never believe I'm getting married. My parents probably won't either, to be honest. They always thought Penny would settle down first. They constantly compared us to each other. Everything always came easier to me, but she worked hard to get where she was. She wanted to know everything about everything. Bit like you really." He smiled cheekily at his fiancée, who gave him a look in response. "Seriously, you two would have been great friends. You're very similar. You're both very strong willed, eager to please and ambitious. Both fantastic doctors. You both love me."

"Do you miss her?" Zosia asked, though she knew the answer already.

"Every day. Penny…she was amazing. Even when I screwed up she still supported me. I wish I'd told her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her more often. Sometimes I don't think I told her enough, I just took it for granted that she'd forgive me for whatever I did. And then she was gone." He sniffed and wiped a few tears.

"Oh Ollie, I'm so sorry." She hadn't meant to upset him, she just wanted to know more about who her sister in law would've been. She never had any siblings, and maybe Penny would've been her best friend.

"It's okay, really. I should talk about her more. Keep her memory alive." He took a deep breath as he calmed himself before continuing. "But that's the past. You, Zosia, and our baby, you're my future. And that's what I want to focus on. I love you, so so much."

"I love you too, you idiot. Get some sleep."

After a brief kiss and a silent cuddle, the two settled down for the night and drifted off to sleep.

When she woke the next morning, Zosia was surprised to find Ollie wasn't next to her. Usually she was the early riser of the two, but over the last few weeks, carrying around the extra weight had been taking its toll, and she was taking the opportunity to rest when she could.

Getting out of bed, she grabbed Ollie's grey NHS hoodie and wrapped it around herself, knowing that it was both likely to fit better than hers and be a comfort knowing it was his, before making her way through the flat and following the sound of the radio into the kitchen. Greeted with a smile, she found Ollie at the stove, apparently frying some bacon. She wondered what had inspired this treat, but didn't question it. If her fiancé wanted to make her breakfast, she wouldn't complain. She was perfectly happy to sip a cup of tea (since coffee was no longer an option) and let him get on with it.

"Good morning, beautiful." He smiled as she padded over to him, and pressed a smiley kiss to his lips. "Mm, a very good morning indeed."

"What's all this?" She smiled, grabbing the tea he had made her and taking a drink from it.

"I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, but seeing as you're here now you kind of scuppered that. Here, sit down." He explained as he pulled out a chair at the table for her and held his hand out to guide her into it.

"Oliver, we've had this discussion. I'm not an invalid, just pregnant." Zosia rolled her eyes, Ollie was a gentleman through and through but he was also an extreme worrier, and panicked if she even breathed.

"I know, I know. Sorry. Forgive me?" He pouted his lips for a kiss and Zosia rolled her eyes again before granting his request and leaning up to kiss him.

"You're lucky you're so cute, Valentine. Those eyes do it for me every time."

He laughed as he walked back over to the stove and turned it off, putting the bacon into the bread. "There'll be two of us soon."

"God help me." She sighed as he placed her plate in front of her. "Thank you." Taking a bite, she moaned her approval before swallowing the mouthful and thinking how to approach the next subject. "So, I was thinking…"

"That's always dangerous." Ollie smirked, earning him a glare in response. "Sorry, continue."

"I've been thinking a lot recently, and our conversation last night really made me think even more about it."

"Go on."

"So I want our baby to remember those that aren't with us any more, like mama, Penny, and Arthur. I want them to know all about them."

"And they will, of course they will." Ollie already knew this, they'd never let their baby forget those that loved them before they were born, that was super important to them both.

"I know, but I really want to make it special." She took a deep breath, and steeled herself up to continue. "If we have a boy, I want to name him after Arthur."

"Oh, Zosia. Of course. That's a lovely idea, a mini Diggers." He smiled, squeezing her hand.

"I'm not finished. If we have a girl, I want to name her Penny. For your sister." She looked up at Ollie, who seemed to be imitating a statue, as he wasn't moving. "Say something, please."

"I, uh, I just –"

"Forget it, I shouldn't have said anything. I'll think of something else."

"No, Zosh, I think it's a wonderful idea. Very thoughtful. Are you sure, though?"

"Of course I'm sure. Like I said, our baby is special. I want them to know they're special and give them a name that was special to us." She explained with a smile, relieved he didn't completely shut down. "Then when they're old enough to understand, we can tell them all about who they're named after."

"Sounds perfect."

Content with eating the rest of their breakfast in silence, upon finishing her sandwich, Zosia looked up to find Ollie staring at her. "Why are you staring?"

"No reason. Just thinking about how much I love you." He grinned, as the radio began to play 'Grow Old With Me'. "May I have this dance?" He asked, holding out his hand to her.

"You are an absolute idiot." She laughed as she accepted his hand. "Of course."

So here they were, in their pyjamas at 10am on a sunny Sunday morning, slow dancing around their tiny kitchen together. It was a slight struggle, Zosia's bump was growing so big it was almost impossible to get really close, but they made it work, because that's what they did.

They loved each other, and they made it work. They always did.


End file.
